Getting Started with Bondage

In celebration of Kink Month, we present the second of a three-part exploration guide for bondage written by an expert Orgasm & Relationship Coach, Michael Charming. Contd. from Part 1 and Part 2.

Getting Started with Bondage

Once we have become familiar with the above principles and concepts, then we are ready to explore bondage. Bondage can be experienced by simply restricting one’s movement or access to their senses in even the simplest ways, for example, using a blindfold to restrict vision. Or, it can involve restricting movement of the limbs while teasing and providing sensation on various body parts. You may find that you have simple tools available in your home such as scarves, bathrobe ties, tape, and even socks. Or, you may find that rope, with its ability to be tied in infinite ways and with its own distinct texture and feel, is central to an exciting bondage experience. 

Regardless of the tools you use, learn the safety issues involved. For example, if using tape, care should be taken to ensure that it can be easily peeled off or cut off without any damage to the skin. It is also important that you get a basic understanding of anatomy to avoid tying up at the delicate areas of the body or avoid tying too tight in ways that can stop or restrict the circulation of blood. Having practices that foster increased awareness, presence, and attention are also recommended as these will help to observe and notice any changes the submissive may be feeling but not able to communicate clearly. Keep an eye out for changes in skin colour or temperature that indicate restricted blood flow, emotional disturbances through nonverbal cues, and excessive strain on muscles, bones, or joints.  

Exploring Fantasies

Fantasies are mental imaginations which have not been fulfilled. In many cases our society teaches us to suppress our fantasies and sexual desires. Exchanging each other’s fantasies in relation to bondage will help the person to know their kinky side and embrace it rather than feel shame. 

It could be a simple fantasy of tying someone up and feeling dominant or getting tied up and being dominated through spanking, flogging, biting, tickling, caressing and other forms of sensation play. It could also be tease and denial, edge-play, worshipping while being tied, and other forms of psychosexual play. In other cases, the fantasy is simply around the feeling of being restricted, the sensation of the ropes on the skin, or the emotions of submission that can be explored through bondage.

When we are exploring fantasies, the starting point is simply sharing preferences vocally. Using the principles of safe, sane, and consensual play, we first negotiate then engage in play well within articulated limits of both people. 

As we begin to explore our fantasies together, it is important to understand that fantasies often grow and evolve as we explore them. The reasons we started our journey of bondage may not be the reasons we are practising it a few months or years into our journey. Bringing an open mind that is willing to expand as we explore is important to making sure we stay within the margins of mentally, emotionally, physically, energetically, and spiritually healthy play. 

Practise 

Bondage involves restraining one’s physical movement so it is very important to practise binding and unbinding. If you are using rope, it is recommended to take few lessons relating to learning the different kinds of knots (single column tie, reef, bowline, etc.), and experiment with different types of ropes (silk, hemp, cotton, jute, bamboo, etc.). In fact, dominants can practise specific techniques such as a two column tie using inanimate objects such as a chair to perfect the knots required before ever trying them on an enthusiastic partner. 

One of the most wonderful things about bondage is that it offers dominants a chance to build a series of cumulative individual skills and techniques that can afford a lifetime of exploration. Or, learning a few basic ties can be enough to explore endless sessions of safe, sane, and consensual BDSM play. 

Quite often our fantasies imagine bondage as simple and instant, when in reality it can be very complicated and time consuming. The focus should be on creating as smooth an experience as possible when it comes to binding and unbinding. It is also important to note that dom should be as composed and calm as possible because any stress experienced by them could alarm the sub and make them very anxious or nervous. 

Stay Within Your Knowledge Base

As you progress through a journey of bondage with your partner, it is important to know what you know, what you don’t, and how to learn more if you have gaps in your knowledge. For example, books, online tutorials, and educational bondage workshops offered by your local educational kinky community are avenues for gaining the kind of expertise you need for advanced bondage play that stays safe. 

The biggest chance of risk of injury comes when dominants put their ego before their actual experience and expertise, placing their submissive at unnecessary risk. It is okay to acknowledge that you may have some knowledge gaps, and admirable to seek to learn from others before making avoidable mistakes that could harm your partner. 

Aim to keep things as simple as possible in the beginning and then slowly and gradually increase the complexities and intensities of the experience. 

Create Positive Experiences

Finally, the goal of any responsible kinky play should always be to create positive experiences that increase a romantic bond, expand trust, open up new avenues for sensual exploration, and explore erotic fantasies within a safe, sane, and consensual context. In terms of bondage in particular, this means learning important safety precautions, gradually expanding your knowledge base, exploring fantasy without judgement, and learning to communicate and respond to each other’s verbal and nonverbal cues.