How to Explore Kinks in a Safe Way

There’s nothing wrong with vanilla sex. Millions of people are perfectly satisfied with a bit of missionary twice a month. Well, if that’s you, then fantastic. You do you! But if you’re not feeling it and want to expand your sexual repertoire from missionary to BDSM, there is a whole world of kink out there to explore. Read on for some advice on how to do it safely. Both for you and your partner(s).

First off, let’s be clear. The international best-selling novel, Fifty Shades of Grey, is not a how-to manual. Yes, kink can and does include the use of floggers and ropes. It may even include a sex dungeon. But that’s not all. One person’s kink is another person’s vanilla latte.

The Definition of Kink

Kink is any type of sex that is considered a bit unconventional. Common kinks include Dom/sub, telling your partner “good girl” (praise kink), and good old-fashioned wife sharing. All perfectly normal if that’s your thing.

Love watching a big beefy guy have sex with your wife while you sit tied to a chair? Yes, you enjoy being cuckolded.

Get turned on while your wife screams abuse, whips you, and then forces you to lick up semen from the floor? Welcome to the world of degradation kink.

When done well – and explored safely – everyone gets a happy ending. But given how potentially unsafe some kinks are – the use of rope restraints can be dangerous if not practiced by an experienced Dom – it is very important that you take steps to protect yourself and your partner(s).

Talk to Your Partner

Kink is a personal thing. Just because you have a foot fetish it doesn’t mean your partner will be comfortable with it. It’s OK if they don’t embrace your need for kink. If needed, you can explore your kink with a third party, such as joining live video chat where you can talk about the things that turn you on in a safe space with someone who enjoys it.

You may even decide to explore your kinks outside of your primary relationship. However, it’s important to discuss this with your partner. Chances are, they won’t be impressed if they find out you visited a BDSM club without telling them.

If your partner is agreeable to experimenting, look at how you can incorporate your kink into your sex sessions. Take it slowly. Don’t go from vanilla to full-on BDSM in one session. Perhaps try a little light spanking or tying your partner’s wrists to the bedframe (or being tied up) first.

The Importance of Consent

Don’t forget about consent. It’s vital that all parties consent to everything that happens. Dub-con or non-con is fine within a roleplay scene (this is known as a CNC kink), but only if all parties explicitly consent to everything beforehand.

Implement a safe word before you begin. That way, if anyone feels uncomfortable, you all stop.

Just yell “TOMATO!” Or whatever jarring word you come up with. Yelling “NO!” isn’t going to work if you agreed to a CNC scene.

Aftercare and Hygiene

Being in a post-sex orgasmic coma is no excuse to ignore aftercare. Check in to make sure your partner(s) enjoyed it and if there was anything they didn’t enjoy, what you can do differently next time. Oh, and don’t forget to wash all the sex toys you used.

UTIs are not sexy.

Just saying.

Photo by Samuel Bordo on Unsplash