What to Do When Your Partner's Fetish is too awkward for you

Imagine the following scenario: you're in your bed with your partner, you're both naked, everything's going as planned. The desire is there, the sighs are there, the touches are just hitting the right spots, but all of a sudden, he asks you to do something that you're not very comfortable with. When everything falls apart, you first start thinking about whether you want to do it, then you ask yourself: how come this hadn't been discussed sooner? What are you supposed to do?

Say no and simply continue your foreplay like nothing happened or opt to conquer with his decision fearing that you are unprepared and not very comfortable, which is one of the most important factors for good sex? This situation is actually very common, so if you have been in this situation, or you feat that you might end up here, take a look at what to do and what you need to keep in mind:

Don't be close-minded

Just like in any relationship, you have to make certain compromises, and this might just be the one that you will have to endure if you want to save your relationship. Know that every person has different things they like in sex, and because of that, more than half of the population has specific fetishes they like to try out. Also, know that this is a touchy subject (pun intended!) and that your partner has definitely trust in you if they came up with a certain proposition.

What is very important to do is not close any doors. You can say that perhaps that night is not the right night for that as you will have to prepare mentally (and sometimes even physically), perhaps familiarize yourself with what fetish really means, but never say never as you might end up liking it in the end. We are all sexual beings, and we can never judge someone's sexual preferences.

Think of alternatives

In case the fetish is really too much for you, you can always try and give certain suggestions on what might substitute that specific fetish. The best, and perhaps the safest way to do this is by introducing some interesting sex toys that are somehow connected to the fetish in question. Even if the fetish is too crazy, you can say that starting with sex toys is the best way to introduce yourself to a somehow different sexual interaction; and this is really true. Once you start with those, and if you really like them, you will very soon start to realize that there is so much more out there that you will want to try out. And who knows, perhaps your partner's fetish is just the thing that you need.

Use it for your benefit

Even though this might seem kinda shady, using your partner's fetish request for your own benefit can be a good thing. Think carefully – do you have something that you would like to try out during sex, but you have always been afraid to ask? If yes, this is the time to come clean and state that you want to try that particular thing as well. On the other hand, if you're delighted with your sexual life, use it to come up with win-win situations and ask him to do something that you want him to do – either in bed or outside of it. It's also good to know that kinks and fetishes are often used in therapy as well. So, yes, there are ways to use it for good!

Never judge

Being kinky in sex is one of the trends that keep rising in popularity. Why? Because society has been indulging in vanilla sex for more than enough, now it's time to embrace all the sexual preferences we have. This is precisely why you should never judge an individual based on their fetishes or kinks. You, for example, might think that you only enjoy classic bedroom sex, but what if there is something hidden inside of you that you need to unleash?

This being said, you can always try that fetish out and only then judge it. If you don't like it, you will have enough credentials to take that option off the table. Introducing a safe word might also be something you'll be more comfortable with.

We are all humans, and we all love something unusual in sex, whether we know it or not. Is it BDSM garments, long stockings or something completely different, is unimportant. Don't judge, talk it over, give alternatives or simply jump on it and see how it works for you.

Peter is a sex and dating columnist for HighStyleLife and QueerVoices magazine. Follow Peter on Twitter for more tips.

Photo by Sonny Ravesteijn on Unsplash