The art of flirting is lost. And according to me, the major reason is with the advent of hitting on someone.
Cambridge defines hitting on someone as, "to show someone in a direct way that you are attracted to them". What do you think and most importantly how excited are you of the attributes attached to the act of hitting on someone? For me, I am still a sucker for the art of flirting. Those rosy innuendos, that wink, which is still not a wink. Sigh!
You might wonder, why exactly am I writing this piece? The reason, an innocent question asked by my friend, “hey would you call hitting on someone as a form of flirting?" My answer since I work with Tickle.Life and should know most, confidently answered," no it is different". But I won't lie, I wasn't sure and hence the research which graduated into this piece.
Let us see what Chetana, aka I, have to say about "hitting on someone".
Hitting-on vs Flirting
Wait, but what exactly is the difference between hitting on someone and flirting?
A person on flutter.com, has fabulously explained what I have been thinking of as well," In my opinion, flirting is innocent banter that may or may not lead to a relationship/sexual encounter. Flirting can be platonic. To me, hitting on someone usually involves an invitation (implicit or explicitly stated) for sexual activity of some sort. Hitting on someone has sexual intent." Hitting just gives a sense of aggression, directness, and hey I want you sexually, and flirting can be as innocent and as volatile as the parties involved.
Just before I wrote this piece, I had a long chat with my aunt who is also a psychologist. Yes, we as a team are very close to our aunts ;). We ended up talking about how this term might give rude and negative vibes to people. And I am sure, I am not the only one. Where is the romance, where is the doubt, of being unsure if the feelings are mutual? Hitting on someone just makes you feel as if you are in a hurry, super quick, and super direct.
“Hey, I am attracted to you, if you reciprocate the feelings the Yes, if not, then there are other eggs in the basket."
I am sure you all must have realized by now, I am a big romantic and this does not rock my boat. I just believe that this may seem counterproductive for relationship formation.
Ok ok, I know the proponent of direct hitting would say, flirting leaves a person in a sensitive spot and doubts that whether their affection will have similar levels of interests and on top of that the amount of time you will waste and what if what you gauge out of it is not right!
It is no surprise then that knowing if someone is flirting with you is difficult. Accuracy in detecting flirting would increase rapidly if the flirters of the world were simply more direct and obvious about their intentions. Incidentally, research shows that direct flirting is what most people prefer. Alas, attempting to accurately detect flirting is a challenge. Yet, it is important to get it right. You don't want to risk embarrassment by misreading the signals, but more importantly, you don't want to miss out on potentially starting a great relationship if someone is interested.
Flirting and consent
Now let us handle the elephant in the room...Consent
Consent also has a very different and complicated relationship. There should be consent before you touch someone, or go your flirtatious way down. Before talking about consent and 'hitting on someone', we must know about good and bad touches.
Just imagine, someone hitting on you repeatedly even when you are finding it irritating and not liking it. It's just a thumbs down!! No one deserves such treatment. A NO in the early stages is better than a regretful NO later.
Final Advice for Hitting On Someone
Standing or sitting too close to someone, touching genitals, touching by putting a lot of pressure on parts like hands, shoulders, arms, interpreting someone when you see they are engaged in some important activity, hitting someone in places like the gym, workplace, interview, funeral, trains, automobiles, are all considered bad places to hit on someone.
If you are looking for good places to hit on someone, that can be wedding parties, bachelorette parties, on a face to face date! Be an opportunist, and take a chance at a right go!!
Some basic good tips when 'hitting on someone' can offer an original compliment. Let's be honest - male, female, old, young – everyone loves a compliment, remember details, make them laugh, body language – instigate gentle contact, smile, and look happy. Smile like Will Smith! ;)
Make an effort to place yourself in a context where flirting makes social sense—where both parties have made themselves consciously available. Consent is sexy. And the return on investment is almost certainly going to be higher.
I am rumbling, right. So how about we let you all decide if hitting and flirting is the same and even if they are not then what works best for you, but before I go, I sure would I still like to give you a few tips on what makes a good flirt in my dictionary…*wink*
How to flirt:
- Be confident: Even if you are giving indirect signals, everyone finds confidence hot.
- Be interested in their lives: What do they do, what did they say 2 minutes or said 2 days before. Listen. Period
- Acknowledge them: Use your lips and smile when you see them. Smile is the best magic trick you have. So use it
- Look at them but still not: This needs mastery, make them feel that you are looking at them and appreciating but when they look at you, you should be deep into something else. Make them want to want to have your eyes on them
- Be direct: Give them reasons to know you like them. A fabulous example is given by seventeen.
All you need is to be bolder and more direct. What do you think, maybe you can give me some pointers to get clarity if you do not agree with my point of view. This will surely help me to help my friends when they ask me next, “Is the person hitting on me or flirting" :)