Being Open

Society starts to open up. We talk about our feelings with strangers, post our fears on Instagram, and don’t bother to chat about our childhood trauma. Topics that were considered taboo - such as tarot cards, spiritual systems, and BDSM - have become  usual discussions at the office place or even on a first date.

The rules have changed. We are not playing any singular specific role now, mother, wife, CEO, the perfect boyfriend, etc. We're meant to be who we are, not only with our friends and family, but with everyone, and everywhere . It's very interesting, the  kind of desires and cravings that come out of us when the walls breakdown, and there is so much freedom at our disposal 

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A prime example that enables this would be, open relationships! 

I, for instance, love being in an open relationship. I have always wanted it, and was probably already in one when I was a teenager. Back then I had never heard of it.  This meant that if you wanted to jump around from one partner to the other, you had to stay single and that was it. This was the perception that existed in relationships.

As I was talking about this recently with a friend, he was shocked to hear about my new adventure. “This isn’t about love. This isn’t about passion. It is all just about sex.”, he said. Well, it is not always like this.

An open relationship or polyamory, is about the openness to being intimate with others and your partner. Sex is only one aspect of intimacy. It is also intimate to feel others, listen to them, and vice versa. It is about connection. And there are different kinds of connections, such as emotional or physical connection. Some people might seek deep emotional connections with others, but do not get involved with them sexually. Others don't seek an emotional connection outside of their relationships, but like to connect sexually with multiple partners.

Society’s structures are changing, and relationships are changing with them.. We have become more independent. We want freedom, with a sense of security. We want to know that it's safe to be free. This is where consent and lots of communication with the parties involved is super important. We can choose to be free, go out and do whatever we want. Or we choose to be free, go out and don’t do what we don’t want.

I agree that there are some who get involved in open relationships in order to avoid intimacy and commitment. Once there is a problem, it is easy to want to jump to the next partner. So the real issue here is simply not addressed. This tends to lead to a lot of drama, due to lack of maturity.

Open relationships are not a method of rebellion. It is our deepest desire for freedom, love and happiness. We do not let one person decide whether we are worthy or not. Worthiness comes from within us and is something we as individuals are responsible for.  Self-worth and our sense of self is our own responsibility, not that of our partners or our relationships. This is how an open relationship is built. Both partners must know themselves, their intentions and expectations.

So, in order to be open, it is necessary to know yourself. And then, who knows what can happen in this free world? We might end up in a monogamous relationship, an open relationship, a changed diet or even move to another city. It all depends on the individual.

Photo by Anne Nygård on Unsplash