Gaia :- Welcome to another fabulous episode of Tickle.Life's podcast. And I'm super, super stoked to have my fabulous guests and we're gonna have some juicy conversations like we always do. For everybody who doesn't know who I am. I'm Gaia Morissette, your hostess with the mostess. I'm gonna allow my guests to pronounce her name so that I don't screw it up, as well as to give us a little, just a little taste of who you are, and what you do in the world. And then at the end of the show, we'll go deeper into who you are and what you do and how you show up in the world after we find out your juicy story.
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Yael:- Sure, so my name is Yael Rosenstock Gonzalez, and I am a salsa dancer. I am a big dancer. I love that kind of stuff. And what I do in the world is I'm a sex educator, coach, author. I have a publishing company and I'm a sex researcher.
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Gaia:- I'm excited. So what? So I always like to ask my guests something easy after the beginning. All right. So do you sleep naked or with pajamas?
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Yael:- I love pajamas. But I often just sleep naked and it also is nice flow.
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Gaia:- Next, are you underwear wearer or Commando? Kinda?
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Yael:- I do wear underwear. I don't like to wash my clothing too frequently.
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Gaia:-
What story? What personal adventure? Are you gonna take us on today?
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Yael:- The first time and actually only time I've been to a kink sex party.
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Gaia:- All right. So set the stage. How old are you?
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Yael:- I am, I think in my mid 20s. And I'm in Manhattan, my friend has failed on me and has not shown up. And I started off by going to a brunch.
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Gaia:- Okay, so did you know that this is what was gonna happen?
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Yael:- Oh, yeah, we had been my friend. And I had been like trying to find a kink party we had literally shown up in Brooklyn, like two weeks earlier, to a building that was not the building that it was supposed to be to a party that did not exist. I don't know how this happened. But we're just like, oh, so we were searching. I was like, in the I was wanting this to happen.
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Gaia:- Okay, so you were searching, you're like, you're like hardcore like this. I'm going we're gonna find a party. Okay, so what happens?
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Yael:- So I show up to the Munch, and it was like really sweet, right? You're just like in a diner, got some hot chocolate, whatever. And I went to the bathroom and connected with some folks that were in the Munch, because I was alone. Right. And I was, I think the youngest person around five probably a decade if not two. Yeah. And so I found these two lovely women who I was like, would you might adopting me as we go on to the party apart a bit. Like I am little and young. And so these two fabulous women, I think one identify this sub one sub brat slash switch.
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Gaia:- Okay, so hold on. So we're gonna want to do for our audience, I'm gonna, I'm going to intervene a little bit in some of the terminology and things just so that our audience have an idea of what we're talking about. So, so when you talk about a munch, a munch is the terminology for a group of kinky people to get together to get to know each other in a, in a usually a vanilla being like a public environment. And it's not overtly kink related, but everybody is there that is kinky. Okay, so that's what a munch is. Right? And then you were talking about identifying as a sub which is the submissive side of the play world and the BDSM. And there's lots of different variations of that but just so that you know that we're talking about sub sub submissive, not subjugation, that's not sub anything. Right. Okay. And then what was the other term that you use? Sorry,
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Yael:- then brat, which is someone who is right who is somewhat a submissive but likes to get in trouble likes to push back wants to have that sort of power play be one of contention?
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Gaia:- Yes, that's my favorite kind of submissive. And like a reason to hit people.
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Yael:- The last one was that a switch? Right. This is what goes between the different power dynamics.
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Gaia:- Beautiful. Okay, continue your story.
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Yael:- Excellent. And so we're in the bathroom? I got the yes of course will adopt you. Don't you worry honey. And we had off. We had off to this this news, the sex parties in the evening party. And I had gotten yeah, I've gotten my breasts painted that day. And I've gone to an event which I expected to be a nude event because there was body painting, and then everyone else was clothed, and I was like, fuck, like, we're going to get my breast painted. So I took off my shirt and got that done. And so I was like, well, now I need to show everyone while of course, because what am so I ended up being I think the only person there who was there breasted which got some attention, but we show up and honestly the way I can describe it is that it kind of felt like a low cost low budget film. It was dark. Kind of dingy. It just, it was I, you know, I'm sure that they're really loud great ones, but I went on a budget party and it was quite clear.
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Gaia:- Okay, so what Okay, let's let's backtrack a little bit before you go getting to the party. So why did you want to go to a party? What was your own experience in kink? Like what? Like up to this point? Who are you that you want to go and explore this?
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Yael:- Yeah. So it took me a while to accept my kinky identity to accept the fact that I am kinky, submissive brat. And I was excited that I had finally found I felt like, it contrasts in some way with my feminism. And I no longer feel that way. And so I was like, Yeah, I want to be in this world. I want to get to know people. I need an entrance point. And I want to see what it looks like. So I'm not someone who's particularly interested in voyeurism, like I don't like watching, per se, I'm not interested in and having myself be watched. But I just wanted to get a feel of a scene. And so it seemed like a good way to do it was to go to a munch, ask my questions, and then check out a party chat.
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Gaia:- Alright. So you walk into the low budget play party. And it's dingy and it's dark. And how many people are there?
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Yael:- I'm really bad with numbers. But like that, let's say 100, right. There's like several rooms, there's a room where people are being tied up to the ceiling. And there's a room where folks are playing with like electricity, and tickly things and then there's a St. James cross. So like something that you can help put people up on. And there was like a wall to this lots of things that you can do with your kinky and masochistic sadistic selves in that room. And I think there's also some space for like, having sex, right, some sort of different sexual acts like one occasion.
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Gaia:- Okay. All right. So, you go in, you start and you start walking around. You've taken your so you've taken out so when you walk in, do you immediately take off your your top so you can like show your painted breasts, like what happens? Like what's the transition? Okay,
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Yael:- I was I was wearing a button up quite intentionally. So I just unbuttoned it and was like, Hello, world. And yeah, I like strutting my stuff with my two ladies with me.
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Gaia:- Excellent.
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Yael:- I was very interested in in really emerging, emerging myself. And
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Gaia:- so what do you see? What's the first thing you see?
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Yael:- Probably the first thing I saw was the St. James cross, like someone being flogged, so like hit with a whip while being restrained on a cross. And then like, on the right is immediately this beautiful, just like someone doing some really intricate rope work on with someone being suspended. And yeah, I think those are probably the first two things that I witnessed.
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Gaia:- So how are you feeling? Like how are you feeling in that moment? Were you excited? Were you freaked out? Were you like, nervous? Were you like, what were the gamut of emotions that were going through as you were stepped into that space?
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Yael:- Excellent question. I have poor memory. But given my personality, I would say that I was pretty chill. I was just like, interesting. Like, I wonder if I'm going to want to play today. Right? If I, I think that I went in with the intention of just watching. And then choosing as it went along. And so I was just wanting to get a feel for what is it that people do in the wild, right in the real world, but at a party, which is different from like, at home type.
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Gaia:- Alright, so continue, what happens next.
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Yael:- So we walk around a bit we participate in like, this woman who's tied down and they're playing with get some electric stuff, but also with feathers. And so like it's a tickle torture, she's obviously very much enjoying like a bunch of scatter feathers, and we're like, oh, all over her. And then we walk over to the area that's like a gate like a black gate with different lines and you know, you can you really hold yourself against it, there aren't anything to tie you to it. And someone invites someone I'm with to be flogged or to be whipped. And so she agrees. And some of them are just like watching and I'm getting nervous because she's making all sorts of terrible sounds. And I was like, is she okay? And it turned out she wanted to subspace. Right. And so she was like, gone. She comes back off that and like that. That was our like our last conversation happened before she went on that wall because she was she was just off in the air for the rest of the night.
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Gaia:- And so for anybody who's listening subspaces that deep trans space that you end up going into when you can really drop in into surrendering to the experience of being submissive.
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Yael:- And this person, the DOM, the dominant figure, he, he was talking about the fact that he had had all these toys, and he had dated someone who's vanilla, so not into kinky sex. And she had made him get rid of all of them. So he had come to this party with a remote control and a TV antenna. And so these were his, like, at home props. And so that TV antenna was like, pretty sharp. So he invited me to try next. And I was like, Well, what the heck one of my like mystery shopper ones is here. One of them still around and kicking in. So I tried, I realized it really isn't my thing, because I'm interested in power play. And in that psychological dynamic, I'm not a masochist. I don't enjoy pain. And so I was like, Yeah, you can step away with that antenna thing. That's not fun. And I wasn't feeling anything exciting or arousing. And so I was just like, Okay, well, thank you. I appreciate you. You're trying like that's thank you to her now if you like.
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Gaia:- And was there disappointment in yourself? Like, what what? What did you feel in that moment? Like, were you feeling like, you know, like, you were supposed to react in a certain way? Or were you you were okay with the fact that you just it was whatever it was like, what was there any stuff going on in your brain around that?
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Yael:- Yeah well, I think I tried it because I was like, I'm curious whether or not this dynamic can feel sexy and arousing to me, right? Like, I don't know, and I'm open to it being so. And also she had the freaking time of her life. Right? She looked the person before me looked hella happy. Yeah, I want to be hella happy like that. But I just realized it's okay with me that it wasn't for me. I know what I like, I have a good sense of this point of what it is that turns me on versus, and it changes and it shifts, right. That happens always. But I was like, okay, that's not it, like, publicly being hit by someone you don't know with no pretense whatsoever. It's not your thing.
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Gaia:- Chill. Right on. Okay, so what happens down?
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Yael:- Because then I get approached by a tall, thin couple, who are like, Oh, can we can we slog you next? And I was like, no, no, I'm good. Actually, I just learned that like, doesn't do it for me. But then I saw this wicked hot dominatrix I mean, she was so sexy. And she was paddling, so like using a paddle on a submissive. And I was like, that's, I want her I was like, her energy is so sexy is so sensual. Like the way that she's doing this feels connected. Now, like, I don't know if they know each other. And I was just like, I'm gonna wait around to see like, if I can get her attention and like she and I can connect. I mean, I was the rest of the night. I was obsessed with this woman, like, following her around my eyes, but that submissive whether or not she knew her was really clinging and the after care, so like the post spanking, it's part of this person's experience. Like she just attached herself to the dominatrix. And she wouldn't leave her side and I felt like it'd be rude to go up and be like, I want to go I want to go take me next like ditch her she was so hot over God, she was so hot here so beautiful. Just like exuding this sensual sexual energy I was like I can I think I can get anywhere with this person. I have to Google her. Okay, so that didn't happen like that. That person did not leave her side. And I'm not a late night person. So like when when he came around, like, I feel like a sub knew that I was trying to like, get in like she literally was like meowing and attached to this woman. I got one. I was like my friends still in subspace. I think I'm done. But before I left, I was approached by another couple. And they were the other youngest people in the room. So they were probably just around 28, 30. And they said we would be interested in having a threesome with you. And I was like, Ooh, I've never done that before. And I'm not particularly a shit overall and threesomes. But I also had finally found confidence in my queer identity but had yet to have experience with anyone outside of the CIS man. And I was like, I can have sex with her through this interaction. And I can feel like an ethical about it right? I'm not like testing my queerness on someone like I've been invited to a threesome. So I was super, super psyched. And that ends up going in another direction. But it did end up leading to my first experience with a woman which helped me feel more confident and in that as well.
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Gaia:- So overall, was there other anything else that happen in that experience of the you know, I'm kind of interested to hear about threesome. So we'll get to that in a moment. But, um, anything else about being at the party? And what did you learn? Like what would what would you say that you really learned about going in having that experience?
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Yael:- I would say I definitely learned that I was right to like, connect myself with other folks and not go alone as a like, petite, femme presenting and type person, like, there were definitely some folks who were creepy. And I don't remember what they're like whether or not they allowed to single men in or what have you. But like the one who had done the remote guy was totally fine. He was like a lovely human being. But like several other men approached us and we were like, go away, right and having to like put strict boundaries and people like having to support those boundaries by being physically present behind us without even knowing us to ensure that this person would leave us alone. So a) if you have the money, go to a not low cost, low cost, budget type film. But if you don't have the money, like come with an entourage of some sort that you know, can check in on you and make sure like, right when she went to subspace, we kept constant eye on her because she wasn't in a state of mind. Yeah, be consenting. And so I think that like stuck with me also, like I saw a much older person who was like all in leather, who, who probably didn't define as a sub slave slave as like a another level of submissiveness. And they were like licking someone's boot and I was just like, oh my god, that dude has probably been outside like we live in New York City. You are consuming like human animal feces. And like rat pistes right now, you know, just like that's not healthy. Like the kinds of things that go through my mind. And there's such a wide range of kinks and fetishes and yabbies that you can engage in, and very different levels of safety and like what is and isn't safe. And yeah, whether you're a germaphobe I'm not a germaphobe, I think, but like that, to me, I was like, Wow, pretty. And it's fine. Lick all your boots, but I was like New York City streets, you can get all sorts of things off those. I didn't want to bring clean boots, if I was that kind of person, I'd like bring my sub, some nice clean boots so that when they licked they didn't like New York City streets.
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Gaia:- Nice. And how did you find the rest of your sexual experience? In that moment? How did that define how you continued your exploration and who you became as a sexual being?
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Yael:- I don't know if it was defining so much. It's just like a notch on the journey. I knew what I liked already. It still took many years for me to find a partner with whom I had a good trusting connection to do it in a more legitimate way, right? Like folks will play around with you. But there's a difference between being willing to engage in certain sex acts and actually being in that power dynamic. And that switch and engaging that way. It's like right now I'm in a 24 hour DOM sub relationship that's like really chill and probably no one in the outside world would consider it that or recognize it as such. But it works really well for us. And enjoying it very much. And so yeah, it was just like, Yeah, this was part of my journey of finding that part of me and, and feeling good about it enough. And not having it steeped in shame.
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Gaia:- Beautiful. Okay, so let's tell me about the threesome.
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Yael:- Oh, man, that was so disappointed. So she breaks up with him, I think soon after this party. And so we're messaging and I was like, hold up, like, the reason I'm talking to you is because of her. So we're gonna, we're gonna need to figure out so we had sex. I had sex with the man a couple of times, but I was like, I'm not actually here for you like I was here for her. So you're gonna need to find me a replacement woman if you would like to have sex. Like, you're fine, right? I'm orgasming. I mean, but like, there's nothing like particularly excited about this dynamic. Like you literally were only attracted to me because you came with a woman. And so he did. He delivered, he found a couple. And we had sex with a woman and the intention was like, if we enjoyed it, we would then bring in her boyfriend as well. And I had a she was a great person to first have sex with because like, I have yet to meet someone like her again. I think I gave her like three or four orgasms, which was like, I felt great, right? This is my first time with a vulva and I'm just making that vulva go great. Um, but if this is like off, but I come from a very diverse and mixed community and I'm not used to being around like homogeneous groups and we all have, you know, they were both white and I'm white presenting, and I had complimented her skirt right before she took it off. And she made a comment about cultural appropriation and like, cultural appropriation. And I like I shut down my body shut like I was no longer aroused from that point. afterwards, and I was just like, so hyper aware that was about to have sex, the two white people. And I, in general haven't had sex with many white people just because it's not who's in my groups. And so when I was like, I'm having sex with two white people, and like one of them just like, oh, cultural appropriation. So I was excited that I was able to get her off multiple times. But like, I actually got off zero times during that interaction, because I was so disconnected. And so like, this is probably like, this is just, it's a different cultural expectation as a different, what have you. And other things like that happened as well. But But yeah, so overall, I was like, I glad glad that I got to do that have that experience, because then I was able to move on and feel like now you can date women and not feel like you're testing yourself on them. But I didn't, I don't think he and I hooked up again. And right, like I was, I was like, I'm done, I made it, I made a point to be like, if I don't really like you as a person, and I don't feel like our values align, then I will no longer be having sex with these folks. And like that was a turning point, actually, for me and my sex life.
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Gaia:- Oh, that's beautiful. That's beautiful,
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Yael:- Because that cultural Oh, also, when I'd asked him who he was voting for, this is around Trump's election. And he didn't know. And I was like, I almost got up. I was like, I didn't do anything else after that. But like, I was like, oh, you can't not know.
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Gaia:- So what would you say to yourself what you know, now, back then, what would be the one thing that you would have told yourself differently, that you might have done differently?
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Yael:- I think with a sex party, I handled it in a way that I'm comfortable with, I'm happy with what I tried, I'm happy with where I chose not to try in that space. And I would say that I think it would have been great to have come to the conclusion that I should like the people that I have sex with as early as possible, as opposed to just you know, I was like in a hook up state of mind. And I didn't normally do white stance, but I would just hook up with books for a couple months at a time so that we would know each other's body in the sexual pleasurable, but I wouldn't get too connected. And I think that that's what I would have done differently that I would have continued what I was doing, like hooking up consistently with people for a couple of months, and then cutting off but that I should like them as human beings overall, and that I would want to bend to be my friend groups. Rather than just being like, you have to compute a convenient fuck.
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Gaia:- Nice. Okay, so tell us what you how people can spend more time with you. In all the brilliant things that you do. Tell us all about that.
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Yael:- So my persona is Your Elda Sex Geek, right? Like that's how you can find me on Insta on Facebook, on Twitter. If you think you might want to hear more of my stories and how that might relate to your own. I have a book called An Intro Guide to a Sex Positive View Lessons Tales and Tips, where I interweave my narratives into how I present information, which people have said makes it feel like they're talking to their best friend, and makes them feel seen and validated. And I am starting an online course soon sex positive view, it'll be at sexpositiveview.com. You know, it's a there's a theme going on in my things.
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Gaia:- And that's good. It's good branding. It's good.
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Yael:- I do coaching. I do curriculum, I do workshops, I do a lot around most of my work is validation. I have a company dedicated to identities, representation and community. Because it took me so long to feel confident as a queer woman to feel confident as a Latina who looks the way that I do, which is totally normal. Lots of us look this way, but you wouldn't know it from TV representation. And so I have I do a lot of work in helping people find their communities finding confidence, like finding my kinky stuff, all these things. And so I do a lot of identity work, in addition to my coaching,
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Gaia:-
Nice. All right, that's wonderful. Anything else you want to say to our audience while they have, you have their undivided attention.
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Yael:- If you check out the Diverse Bodies Project, we have a project dedicated to redefining beauty and representing all the different ways that we show up in the nude. And so we interview folks and we take pictures of them while interviewing them while they're naked. And it really is a beautiful project. And so we encourage people to connect our next phase will invite people from all over the world to contribute right now. It was only done in New York City. But we will be growing that
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Gaia:- Pick Me Pick Me.
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Yael:- It's such a beautiful and fun project. Ah the things that people share the adorableness and the images. We really wanted to show all the emotions that folks have, and all their stories and not just like, here's a body. It's different from this body, right.
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Gaia:- So yeah, so say that again.
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Yael:- Diverse Bodies Project
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Gaia:- Okay, and we'll see if we can make sure that that gets in the show notes so that people can you know, at click Easy, easy peasy so that they can, you know, because we all like easy, let's be honest. So, thank you. Thank you for being on the show and thanks for sharing your adventure and thanks for leaning in with me. You're so delightful, so delightful.
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Yael:- Thank you. I enjoyed this Your questions are great.
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Gaia:- And so all the audience go hang out with Tickle.Life go hang out with our awesome guests go hang out on our go on the adventure with all of us and have a juicy day. Bye
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Transcribed by https://otter.ai
