TweetChat with Russell Stambaugh

A Kink-Aware Professionals Advocate at National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF), a private psychotherapy practitioner, a clinical psychologist, and the sexuality advisor at Tickle.Life. Russell Stambaugh, a specialist, and a kinky folk is a two-time AASECT's Distinguished Service award winner.

He is passionate about better therapy and a safer lifestyle for people who are interested in kink. Russell has done lots of postgraduate training to help therapists become culturally competent to treat kinky people, many of whom have very ordinary psychological issues like depression or anxiety. He's here to talk about best practices for consent. #LetsTickle @RussellPhD

Q1 Few tips about consent from kinky spaces

A1 1. In addition to the consent guidelines, it is very important to know the playspace rules, complaint policies, and customs. Consent always happens in context, and if you do not know the house rules, you may not be trusted.

Another tip is to know the other safety procedures in use in your playspace. Many groups have mentors, safeties, and Dungeon Masters (DM's) who can stop play or remind people if they see rules violated. #letstickle

Q2  How to normalize shifts in desire and shifts in consent?

A1 The NCSF Consent Best Practices refer to these implicitly.  Your ability to consent may change during play as your mental state changes.  This is why we recommend against renegotiating your limits during play.  An altered state is often one of the goals of play.

Also, it is often true that things feel different in actual kink sessions than you imagined beforehand in fantasy.  These guidelines are drawn up with that in mind.  It is not a sign of failure if you use safety. It might mean you just learned something! #letstickle

Q3 How stigma, discrimination, and violence directed at people involved in kink can affect their health and well-being?

When we did the 2014 Consent Violations survey, we found out that 70% of our respondents weren't out about their lifestyle to someone close to them in daily life.

Stigma forces that.

#letstickle It is a sign of privilege to be totally out.

Many people in kinky life go into therapy because coping with stigma is hard.  It is isolating, some of them internalize shame, many think they are bad because their excitement conflicts with other values.  So therapists who understand this are needed. 

Not looking after your own safety can be a consequence of stigma.  People with healthy self-esteem protect their personal boundaries.  Therapists and experienced kinksters understand this, even if it means they must hear a disappointing 'No!' #letstickle

Originally went live @TickleLife on Twitter, on January, 22nd '21.