Relationships  Sex, Media & Culture 

Our modern culture was never created for intimacy

Ailsa Keppie Sep 17

Our modern culture was never created for intimacy

For the last few centuries, our culture has celebrated reason and logic. We have become highly mechanized and efficient. Our technological advances have allowed us to connect with other people all over the world. But let me ask you, has any of this led to more capacity for love, joy or intimacy?

The answer is likely to be a resounding NO!

More people than ever are finding it difficult to maintain a relationship with even one person, let alone a model that espouses more than one partner. Why is this? Why are we having, what can only be described as, an intimacy breakdown?

There are likely many layers of complexity in trying to answer these types of questions but I’d like to touch on a couple of things that could shed some light on the issues.

First of all, we have defined a major aspect of  ‘manhood’ or ‘bravery’ as being able to stand up to pain and discomfort. In fact we have labeled ‘pain’ as a sign of illness, something to be ‘numbed’ or medicated away. We have forgotten that pain is a body sensation and we can’t numb that out without also decreasing our ability to feel anything else.

So many clients of mine have come in to see me for bodywork, wanting to ‘feel relaxed’ or ‘good’ and when I’ve asked them about pain, they quickly list all of the medications they take to keep the pain at bay.

I sometimes have to ask them, how much pleasure do you expect to be able to feel while you are taking all of that?

It is a hard pill to swallow that takes away not only the pain but the pleasure as well. I don’t need to spell out how this inability to feel is affecting our ability to experience true intimacy and connection.

Second of all many of us are medicating not only our physical pain but our emotional pain. We have trouble bearing real intimacy with others because we can’t afford to be emotionally intimate with ourselves.

When was the last time you had an intimate moment with yourself? (and I don’t just mean the quickie in the bathroom)

We medicate our feelings and most of all our shame by supplementing our self-esteem with all kinds of substitutes. Overwork, love addiction, alcohol, sex.. you name it… most of these behaviors are on the rise in our culture. We cycle between grandiosity and shame in an endless cycle of disconnect from our feelings.

We are in trouble.

Working with self awareness, touch, feelings, the breath, stories and beliefs, these are paths back to our self and our ability to feel.

I invite you to take a breath, put a hand over your heart, feel your own touch and tell yourself a loving story.

These ideas are not new, but they have been tossed aside by a mechanistic society that was hell bent on progress to the detriment of our connection and intimacy.

It is time to remember or re-member our body and its place in our wholeness. Time to remember how to feel. Time to cultivate intimacy with ourselves and others.

Do you want to be a part of this revolution?

Reach out, book a call with me. Let’s talk about how somatic coaching could help you reconnect and finally experience phenomenal intimacy.

With love and connection,


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