Expressing Sexual Interest: A How-To

Before saying anything else, especially getting into the nitty-gritty details of how you can actually go about putting your sexual interests out there into the world, we have to take a moment to pass along a hearty congratulations!

Here’s the thing, the world can be a big and, worst of all, scary place for anyone: even more so for someone who wants to make that massive step from just thinking and dreaming about sex to actually trying to meet other people into the same thing--to make those thoughts, those dreams into anything close to reality.

So even though doing so will absolutely bring with its share of frustrations, disappointments, humiliations, and other “oh crap” moments never forget that even considering trying to express your sexual interest is astoundingly, profoundly, and incredibly brave.

The realities of expressing sexual interest

And a big part of that bravery is understanding that those frustrations, disappointments, humiliations--not too many so many "oh crap" times--are going to happen, and yet still keep moving forward.  

In fact, these set-backs (or worse) usually happen much more than (quote) successes (unquote) and, because of this, try to take to heart that old, but still accurate, maxim of “hope for the best but prepare for the worst.”

On this, as you begin your sexually expressive journey do try to understand that staying positive, even when you’re knocking your head on stone walls, will serve you much better than drifting towards bitterness.  Something kicks you in the emotional core of your being--rejection, frustration, and so on--instead of getting angry, take a deep, deep breath and try to move on.

This is definitely true when dealing with people: potential playmates or otherwise.  If it doesn’t work out then apologize, give them your deepest regard, and move on. Being a jerk, or even worse, will do nothing but bring toxicity to yourself and more than likely will shut you out of being part of a sexual community.  

Consent, too, should always be at the forefront of your mind.  Sure, it can be really exciting to start on your path to sexual adventures but never forget that you are being with human beings, who always deserve and should always get respect.  So no touching (or anything else) without permission and remember than consent, even if clearly given, can be withdrawn at any time--and when this does happen … well, remember what was just said about apologizing, making amends, and moving on?

Getting out there

So how do you start on your voyage?  A great way to begin is to explore yourself through meditation, education, and experimentation: you can’t go anywhere, after all, if you don’t know where you are at the beginning.  

With this under your belt try reaching out to communities of people with similar interests.  In fact, this is personally recommended rather than starting by focusing on just finding a single partner.  Not only is the education these communities often provide always useful but they can also be a great source of support--and, yes, many times a great place to make more intimate connections.

If you can’t find these communities in your area, online is a good option though never really takes the place of face-to-face contact.  One of the best things about it is that if you are feeling alone and isolated online communities can help alleviate that so while it may not be the perfect solution, it does have that going for it.

Be all you can be

So let's talk about presentation: by this, I mean how to put yourself out there.  The biggest thing here is to once again learn as much as possible.  

If, for instance, you are interested in BDSM don't try and pretend you know all about it.  Instead, be upfront that you are new and willing to learn. This is pretty true about every other sexual community: come off as an arrogant, know everything (especially when you don't) jerk and all you’ll do is chase people away.

This is also true with reaching out to people--online or in person.  Be open that you are just beginning to get out there and explore and, yet again if they say no or don't answer just walk away and chalk it up to experience.  

Many communities are cautious about new people, watching to see if they are going to be a problem, so try to be on your best behavior--and if something bad does happen go back to apologizing, making amends, and moving on.   

It might sound like a pat statement but nevertheless, there's truth in this: you will always get more flies (in this case sex) with sugar than vinegar.  Taking the time, and doing the work, to make yourself into a better person will always yield better results than being demanding, rude, or inappropriate.

Take the first step

So if you are ready to get out there and express your sexual interest, be it in whatever (as long as it’s consensual), take pride in what you are doing in that it’s an amazingly brave thing to do but, equally, don’t let this cloud your judgement in being a good a person as you can be--always.

Do this and while it may take some time, with many ups and downs along the way, but finding your erotic gold at the end of the rainbow isn't possible but damned-near assured.  

So get out there: learn as much as you can, be a good person, and, most of all, have fun!