Confidently Queer: 10 Ways To Embrace Your Identity Through Intimacy

When we grow up surrounded by heteronormative ideals, it can be hard to develop a confident and coherent sense of identity. Self-identity is mainly established through exploration and commitment across different life domains, leading to people developing a sense of who they are and what they would want to achieve. Identity development is a complicated task which becomes even more challenging when your outlook clashes with traditional societal expectations, norms and circumstances. Identity formation and consolidation, thus, is particularly crucial since without a coherent sense of self, one may experience difficulty forming bonds with oneself as well as others.

There are many challenges that hinder the identity formation of queer individuals, and there are also several strategies that can be adapted to negotiate these difficulties. While traditional thought dictates that a person uses the process of ‘identity crisis’ (which involves self-reflection, experimentation and exploration) to come to terms with who they are, it may not be that simple when it comes to queer individuals. The biggest hurdle they face is societal scorn as well as the overwhelming pressure to conform to heteronormative ideals.

One of the best ways to embrace one’s queerness is through intimate exploration. This does not necessarily connote intimacy in a sexual way. Rather, it explores intimacy as a medium for self-realization, which is something queer individuals often use as a means to come to terms with their identities.

Therefore, we will be looking at ways in which intimacy can be used as a medium to not just explore, but also embrace queer identity. The following points can illustrate how one can navigate through intimate settings and find ways to discover one’s true identity. It should be pointed out that intimate settings aren’t inherently sexual in nature, and can be experienced with any number of people. One can choose to look into male escort services to navigate through these complexities or fall back to existing relationships or even make new connections.

Maintain intimate and meaningful communication.

The first thing any intimate setting requires is open and honest communication. Very few things can communicate intimacy the way communication does. Talk about your thoughts, fears, and apprehensions and also discuss what keeps you going, what makes you feel happy and how you can accept your queerness. The more you communicate, the more you would need to think, and this will only pave the way for you to understand yourself better, not just in the context of others but also yourself.

Establish your interests.

Your individuality is defined greatly by your interests and opinions. They make you who you are, and naturally, they form a considerable part of your identity. Be firm about your likes and dislikes, inhibitions, and aspirations. Before you can understand who you are, you must understand what it is to be you.

Don’t be afraid of being vulnerable.

It takes a whole lot of strength and guts to go against cultural conditioning to honor our desires and feelings. So why not go the extra mile and let go of the walls you have created to protect yourself? Look at it this way- if things do not work out, you have the memories as well as the lesson to not walk the same path again. Vulnerability is how we grow as human beings, and how we add layers to our identities.

Prioritize your needs.

Many times, it feels quite natural to lose oneself in the flow of things, especially when they are heading in the right direction. What most people lose sight of when doing this, are their own needs. It must be understood that human needs tend to evolve and change over time and if you do not prioritize them, no one will. No matter what the setting, never forget to put your needs first. How we look at our needs and their importance forms and consolidates a core part of our true identity.

Support your partner.

The people around us need our support just as much as we crave their validation. Think of it this way- maybe your partner is going through the same unsteady flow of not being able to understand who they are and attempting to learn about themselves through you. The road for queer individuals to come to terms with their identities is a painful one, but that struggle creates a depth of character and transforms us into warriors. Be there for each other.

Accept yourself.

Many people struggle with their identity because somewhere deep inside, they are unable to accept themselves for who they are. And this is something very natural to feel because all our lives, we hear people tell us how ‘different’ we are. Instead of celebrating our differences, we are mocked and scorned. It is only natural to have a voice of disapproval inside us. Overpowering that voice and accepting ourselves is the first step to establishing our identities.

Have faith in the process.

It is painful to go through a phase where you do not know how to look at or approach your own self. Where you feel disconnected from yourself and simply do not know who you are. What matters is trusting the process and moving ahead anyway. There’s an unfortunate price that comes with being queer in a cishet society, and it often takes the form of a lack of compassion for your internal struggles. In this situation, the only thing you can do is trust the process and keep moving.

Be honest with your feelings.

It is very important for you to never lie to yourself. Always be transparent about how you are feeling, so that it translates in the way you do things. Most people may not grasp the depth of the internal battle where you cannot understand who you are, but since you feel it, always be true to yourself. Your path to finding out who and what you are will materialize soon enough.

Be fearless.

Being queer is not for the weak. It takes an enormous amount of courage and strength to accept the recognition it brings to be different from most people. There is very little space in the heterosexual world to completely grasp the nuances of gender. Just keep in mind that there is an entire community out there that has your back. You are paving the way for those who come after us.

Don’t hesitate to get help.

Getting lost within the maze of your thoughts regarding your identity, or lack thereof, can be exhausting. There are queer-friendly professionals out there who can help steer you in the right direction by making you ask yourself the right questions you have to address. Never shy away from getting help.

Navigating the complexities of identity can be hard on anyone, even more so for queer individuals. However, by embracing intimacy with like-minded people, creating inclusive spaces and seeking help, you can help create a more diverse community for everyone.

Photo by Steve Johnson on Unsplash