Your Key to Erotic Confidence in 2021

Have you ever questioned your sex appeal, felt unattractive, or hated something about yourself even though you know you “should” be practicing self-love?

Do these feelings get in the way of you connecting in meaningful and pleasurable ways with others? Do you wonder how you can be confident in bed with a new partner?

You know it’s normal to have these feelings sometimes, and you’d also like to feel more confident when it comes to feeling sexy. Feeling grounded in your own worth and attractiveness is a huge confidence booster. It translates out. Feeling sexy is NOT just for those people who stand within the very tiny range permitted by the beauty norms.

Everyone can feel sexier, if they practice. Everyone can become erotically confident.

Let’s start with what Erotic Confidence even is.

Erotic confidence is a felt sense of certainty within your personal sexuality. The first step is in realizing that each of us deserves to express ourselves, our sexuality, and our desires. You know it is okay to want what you want, and like what you like, and more importantly have the skill set to express it.

While erotic confidence may lead to a certain swagger in your step, meaningful eye contact, winks and coy smiles, it’s important to know that erotic confidence isn’t just performative. It is sourced from being deeply connected with yourself, knowing how to give yourself permission to feel and like, and a general sense of “I’m okay”.

What Does It Feel like?

• You feel good about your body.
• You feel in touch with your desire.
• You feel open to selectively exchanging erotic energy with the world.
• Space exists for the entirety of your sexuality.
• You are in touch with the current of eros inside of you.
• It feels powerful, good, sexy.

How to be Confident in Bed with a New Partner

What Does Erotic Confidence Help With?

• Ridding yourself of shame, because the two can’t coexist.
• Approaching people you are attracted to.
• Feeling good about initiating sexy times.
• The ability to express what you want.
• Resiliency if you hear “no.”
• Feeling you know what to do during sexy times.
• The capacity to be present during intimate moments.
• Allowing yourself to “feel”.
• Being mindful and aware of the present moment.
• Focusing on enjoying rather than “performing.”

How to feel Confident in Bed when you feel insecure about your body.

Today, due to social media dominance, many of us feel the need to have the ideal figure – dictated by beauty stereotypes – to feel erotically confident. And although it’s natural to feel so, it’s highly unwarranted and even misleading. Even someone who has one a classically centered appealing body may feel insecure and unsure in bed. It’s because the key to “how to feel more confident sexually” doesn’t lie in your external appearance, but in how you are feeling inwardly.

In moments when the “noise” in your mind is telling you that you are inadequate or unlovable, it helps to replace it with positive self-assuring messages about your body and the right to freely express yourself.

Here are some tips on how to feel more confident in bed when you feel insecure:

1. Don’t be hard on yourself.
2. Don’t feel pressured to follow beauty standards perpetuated by social or mass media as advertisers prey on your insecurities.
3. Focus instead on what you love about your body and how it makes you feel.
4. Wear what you feel most comfortable and confident in.
5. Avoid comparing yourself to anyone – models, friends, siblings, or whoever you feel meets the most idealistic physical benchmarks.
6. Say to yourself that you’re beautiful and sexy until you start believing it.
7. Openly express what you want and ask your partner what they want – especially in a new relationship, it can also pave the way to understanding “how you can be confident in bed with a new partner.”

How Do You Become Erotically Confident?

Short answer: you practice.

Don’t worry! Here at Wellcelium we are committed to helping you embody your full sexual potential and help you explore how to be confident in bed with a new partner.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Do I want to feel erotically confident?

If so, am I willing to practice being with myself in a different way inside?

Suggested Practice

Pay attention to your internal dialogue. Start to notice when you are criticizing yourself, and when you are complimenting yourself. Don’t judge, just notice!

Originally posted on Wellcelium.org