Today I Learned: Phantom Orgasms

I recently took part in an orgasm information class, now as a sex educator & sexuality coach you might think “shouldn’t you know about orgasms already?” Well yes, I should and do, but I am also not above learning as much as I possibly can about them. As a coach, it is my job to make sure I am always learning more so I can continue to help my clients to the best of my ability. While in the class there was a lot of information I already knew, but I honestly appreciated the reminder. There were also a thing or two I didn’t know or hadn’t heard anyone speak about in this way. 

The body and mind (mostly the mind) will rewire itself to be able to obtain pleasure and orgasms through another part of the body after there has been trauma to the sexual organs.

This at first may seem crazy or even confusing, I felt the same way but also had a moment of “ohhhh yesss!!!” So I set out to figure out more about this and what it may look like. 

There is a lot of research and talk about those who have been in accidents that have caused spinal injuries, often times most if not all feeling is lost to their sexual organs. But not all hope is lost, it is more a matter of working with the brain (the magnificent thing that it is) to find new ways of feeling pleasure. Those vulva owners who have partial feeling may be able to use a clitoral sucker to draw blood to the area as it can be difficult to do so after their injury due to little sensation. 

Taoists believe breasts and nipple stimulation stirs sexual energy, so it’s no wonder that this kind of stimulation can be very arousing especially for vulva owners. Orgasm is very possible through this form of stimulation, even more so when we allow the mind to take part. What I mean by this is that as mentioned, the mind is so powerful. Think about how meditation can calm us, about the control of your breath, the focus of your mind on something positive and uplifting. Now put that into play during arousal, just because your sex organs may not work the same way, doesn't mean your desire goes away! 

Setting the scene by creating a space that will foster your arousal, candles or music, materials that feel exquisit on your skin, beautiful soft lighting. Anything that caresses your mind, then imagining the things that arouse you or talking with a partner about them as your caress each others skin. Every little detail creates a scene of erotic pleasure for the mind and therefore the body. When we do this, we can discover parts of our body that scream to be caressed and that brings great pleasure to us. When we have to think outside the box, instead of the old idea that “penis in vagina is sex”, we can come to orgasm or recieve intimate pleasure, we can find that pleasure everywhere. Reassignment of a sexual response involves mentally intensifying the existing sensation from one portion of the body to another. 

Something else that I was reminded of during my research was something called “phantom orgasms” or “extragenital orgasms”. These involve the brain experiencing all the sensations of stimulation without any stimulation at all. It’s about the senses; the sounds, smells, sights and imagined touches in the dream. I polled my followers about this and happily I found out many of them have experienced an orgasm during a dream. Waking to the orgasm happening! I can attest to this being real as well! No stimulation required! When we dream we are free from the pressure we or our partner/s put on us to perform, to reach orgasm or to be like “others”. 

So what I am saying it the mind is an amazing thing, and pleasure is tied to your mind in every way! We are all able to receive pleasure. You are not broken, love yourself and be open to the opportunity of pleasure through exploration.