I am an aspiring man of God. I am an African American man living in the south with a big baggage of perceptions surrounding my existence. With these qualifications, I have found it increasingly difficult to strike a balance between maintaining my relationship with God and finding a good wife. Women find me attractive and thanks to my gender and race, they automatically assume that I am all for sex and will perform quite well in the bedroom.
I have observed that most of the relationships people get involved intend to become sexual at some point. Abstinence until marriage, no longer seems to be a virtue. In fact, it is increasingly becoming a notion that is being laughed at. The millennial relationships seem to be solely driven by sex and how to make it better weighing down the relationships with unnecessary pressures. Sex, no wonder, has lost its meaning and charm in our society. We almost have free access to it in our everyday lives. From the Internet and television to movies and bold commercials, sex is easily available to everyone.
Too much of anything is bad and likewise, the overdose of sex has led to fragile relationships, increased divorce rates, rise in sexual crimes and general hopelessness of finding true love. Though the lines are completely blurred, love and sex is not the same thing. They are, in fact not even two sides of the same coin. But several factors are trying to merge them together, but it is bound to have undesirable effects. Ideally, love should lead to sex when the time is right. Sex ought to have a profoundness that can’t be taken lightly and the overdose has resulted in the loss of the insight.
“Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
- Hebrew 13:4
Since I am a man of God, I turn to the scriptures, whenever I am in doubt. As per Hebrew 13:4, “Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” You may or may not believe in the Holy Scriptures, but I hope you will agree that in this over-sexualized society, a couple who waits until marriage for sex definitely deserves respect.
I am sure, if you are allowed to go back in time and right your wrongs, many of you would choose to wait before losing your virginity. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with the act itself. But you would agree that it is an intimate part of your life and allowing just about anyone access to it is not desirable. In my opinion not recognizing the significance of sex shows a lack of self-respect.
Many of my friends jump around from one relationship to another. Sometimes it just a lack of interest in the person, but one of the most important reasons is because they found someone else more sexually attractive. Don’t mistake me that I am advising you to settle for the first person you find, but all I am saying is that leave sex out of the relationship. It is worth waiting for that one person you really like and there is a charm to hold on till marriage before you experience sex.
If you are already feeling guilty at this point of having rushed into losing your virginity, I can console you by saying that just because you have lost it does not mean you are obligated to keep having sex with every man or woman you are attracted to. Waiting shows you respect yourself and your partner and are willing to give time and scope to each other for understanding. Trust me, it feels great to find a person who is genuinely interested in getting to know your mind and interests rather than just your performance in the bedroom.
Sex early on in the relationship tends to confuse your emotions too. It will be hard for you to tell if you liked someone for their personality or merely because the sex was good. On the other hand, if the sexual experience with the person was not up to your expectations, you could miss out on a really good person. Sex feels awesome when there is a perfect balance of physical as well as emotional elements and that happens as your relationship grows.
There are reasons why men feel the compulsion to add to the number to women they have had a relationship and most importantly sex with. The higher the number, the cooler you are considered. But no self-respecting man would get down to that level. You can’t call yourself a man by treating women as mere objects of sex and desire. It is no good either to seek power from having sex with multiple partners. Women are the beautiful creations of God. A real woman will respect you more when you respect her rather than when you force yourself on her. But that is not to say that men alone are to be blamed for the sad state of affairs as far as sex is concerned. Both of them are equally at fault.
Last but not least, all is not lost and it is not too late to turn the clock back to old values both at the individual as well as the societal level. You have the power to make one person feel special by waiting unlike everyone else wanting to rush towards sex. The choice is absolutely in your hands.