The 5 main Reasons your Sex Life sucks!

As a holistic sexual wellness specialist, the #1 reason people come to see me is to help improve their sex life and their relationship with sex. There are many reasons that people’s sex lives suck or feel empty or unsatisfying (and sometimes even non-existent. After working with hundreds of people, here are the TOP 5 big ones.

1. Trauma

When a person experiences emotional, physical or sexual trauma, it affects them in all areas of life. Often the biggest impacts are felt in the realm of intimacy and sexual expression. Trust, safety and even touch can be hard and sometimes can be completely impossible for an individual. In order for you to have a great sex life, you must heal these old wounds. I lovingly invite you to reach out for some professional help; no one can heal these alone. Please make sure your professional support has a background in working in the area of trauma you have experienced.

2. Bad sex life with yourself

Masturbation or self-love is an important part of having an epic sex life. As a culture, we have been taught that Masturbation is dirty, bad, wrong, shameful, or we have been taught that we only do it when we have no other choice (sex with someone else). Sometimes we masturbate to avoid intimacy or bad sex with our partner(s), and sometimes, it is a get in, get out (and don't mess my hairdo) experience, all of which may cause us to feel empty or lonely after. Learning to heal, reclaim and build a deep, rich and wild sex life with yourself will help you to have a better sex life with others

3. Inability to Master your mind:

While we are in the act of sexual expression, if our thoughts are not sexy, your ability to feel present and aware of your lover’s or lovers likes and dislikes may be affected. You also are not allowing yourself to truly experience all the wonderful pleasure and sexy sensory possibilities available to your mind and body. Here is what I mean when I am talking about unsexy thoughts: What if I don't get hard? What does my ass look like in this position? Do I taste okay? What if I cum too fast? What if I don't cum yet? I have to make sure I go pick up milk for dinner. Do I look fat?……. So on .. Not SEXY! Here are some sexy thoughts: Mmmmm she looks so hot right now. WOW look at how sexy their body looks while they are orgasming. Mmmm those sex sounds of lust and desire are sooo fuc*en hot. Omg they smell sooo yummy! You get the idea. Learning how to master your mind is something that takes practice and tools. One of the best tools I have both personally and professionally in the mind mastery has been Tantra.

4. Thinking toooooo much

Learning to turn off your brain and turn ON your body is a game changer. If you want Epic Sex, Epic Orgasmic possibility and to have the type of sex life that they write songs and poems about, then you MUST learn how to awaken your body completely. Quieting the thoughts and turning up your body sensory information is key to earth-shattering orgasmic experiences.

5. Lack of intimacy

True intimacy can be terrifying, scary and almost impossible to experience. Most of us have had hurtful and painful experiences from being vulnerable and taking risks with others, so we have learned to protect ourselves and not really get close to others because of those old wounds. What is true intimacy? It is when we are vulnerable and trust others with our deep secrets and can risk showing our true self to another person. To be able to be vulnerable with others, we first must be honest and trust ourselves and be willing to unconditionally accept ourselves. There are many different levels of intimacy that we share with others. When it comes to sexual expression and sexual activity, the deeper the level of intimacy that you can share with another person or people, the more earth-shattering, epic and satisfying that sexual experience will be. When there is a lack of intimacy, it can cause sex to feel empty and cause a strong feeling of loneliness afterward.

For the last 20 years, I have been practicing and teaching Tantra because it has been how I have personally healed, awakened and been able to have the kind of sex life that SONGS, BOOKS and POEMS are written about. Tantra is all about learning to embrace the human experience, which helps you find, create and develop the skills of mindfulness, self-awareness and healing old wounds. Tantra teaches you how to become a pleasure-seeker and happiness master! Tantra will help you fix the problems that are causing your sex life to suck!!

To say YES to having a great sex life, come join my Tantra for 1 , because Sexual Mastery starts with yourself! Then you can choose to share it with others…

Until next time, have a sensual bum wiggling day!