You are not alone! Many people feel off, distressed, out of sorts after the holiday season for a couple different reasons. There is a lot of pressure in December to be happy, grateful and festive. With that much societal and cultural pressure, many people are actual left feeling angry, depressed, not enough, incompetent, lonely and even suicidal.
For many people it can take weeks, even months, to get back on track emotionally, mentally and financially. Here are some of the major key causes of this:
It can be a beautiful thing but it can also be a nightmare and full of triggers. (Triggers are extreme emotional reactions that are in response to experiences or activities from your past that have not been healed, processed or released yet). Most of our insecurities, fears, and emotional stressors were created by our family growing up. So when you spend time together over the holidays they can be the catalyst for feeling downright awful.
Given the time of year and because we have all been told family is the most important thing in the world, this can create extreme pressure to be on your best behavior. In turn ,usually causing more of a scene… because no one wants to ruin the holidays by speaking or sharing what they are really thinking or feeling if it is unpleasant…
I love my family but they are crazy and filled with drama when they all get together …they just trigger one another. So for the last 5 years I stopped going for Christmas with the whole family and make the effort to hang out with them each individually over Dec, Jan and Feb. Instead it has been amazing… we have such a relaxed and lovely visits with no stress, no drama. Not everyone in my family is ready or willing to release the past negative experiences and heal those issues. By doing so it would open up the possibility for us to have a happy, fun and amazing time together. I lovingly told them each “that when 3 holidays in a role happen without any drama, then I will come back and spend the holidays with you”.
Now in some cases family members may be the cause of some major traumatic experiences in your life so spending time with them doesn’t feel good or safe.
This can create deep feelings of loneliness, depression and even suicide for some. Culturally we are driven by the need to feel like we belong, we have a tribe..That we are a part of a community! In theory; feeling like you are a part of something makes us feel safe, loved and wanted.
My personal and professional experience, I found that very few people have those feelings of unconditional love and acceptance within their family or with friends.
In order for this unconditional love and acceptance to occur we need to create it for ourselves first, then go find our new family of unconditional, safe and non judgmental friends… If you are lucky even some may be your family members.
After doing my healing and discovering that I was lovable and amazing I was able to build my tribe of friends that love and accept me unconditionally as I do them. These are the people that I choose to spend my holidays with. These are my A team of support and my chosen family
You must buy buy buy to show that you love people. The holiday season has turned into a shopping frenzy of buying stuff. You are being told everywhere; TV, radio, social media, internet, work, friends, and family that love comes in this gift, this sale and this product. Then when you can’t afford it or all of them, you internalize that you suck, you’re not enough, you’re a bad parent, bad partner, and that you just are BAD!
Well NO ONE wants to feel BAD or that they SUCK , so we over buy and put ourselves in debt which still makes us feel bad because now we have to pay for it throughout the year with interested. There are many ways you can show love to ours that will not put you in debit. Here are some examples; set a budget for gifts, make your own gifts and give gifts of time or experiences…
If you are still stressed out, anxious or anger this is having an effect on all of your relationships. Including friendships, co-workers and even the relationship with your kids, but the biggest is your intimacy relationships. It is hard to feel close or attracted to someone that is stressed out. When you are emotional out of whack it can affect your sex drive and other areas of your sex life.
I am here to tell you next holiday season or family gathering could look just like a dream holiday/vacation with some support and healing. Sometimes all it takes is to understand what your triggers are, getting the tools to heal, release or manage them and learning how to create boundaries. You don’t have to feel out of balance and out of whack now, and at your next holiday/family gathering.
Let me know how I can support you today? You deserve to feel happy, zen and pleasure in your life!!
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