Being with someone who understands your sexual needs perfectly without even saying a word can be very special. Someone who just “gets you”, who understands your innermost unexpressed needs. It’s like they were just made to fit into your life like a glove and there is that undeniable spark between you two that defies explanation. And sometimes you may catch yourself wondering if this is what it feels like to be sexually compatible with your partner.
While chemistry is the word commonly attached to romantic relationships, compatibility especially when it comes to sex cannot be so easily defined. There is no one specific definition for sexual compatibility, but experts explain this term as a mesh of sexual interests, preferences, dislikes, and beliefs between sexual partners. It is how your body and mind move in sync with your partner during sex. Everything they do just feels perfect and right, you love and resonate with the way they kiss and touch you. You both have similar interests in what turns you on and what turns you off with regard to sexual techniques and preferences.
The concept of sexual compatibility is largely misunderstood. Sexual compatibility does not equate to having amazing sex all the time, likewise having a one-off spark with your partner does not mean you are incompatible. Chemistry during sex can wane and fade with time and it can also build up over time. The most important aspect of compatibility is effective communication. It is being able to have an open conversation with your partner about where you both stand where bedroom matters are concerned. You could both be on the same page on the frequency of your sexual activities or the types of sexual acts you prefer.
Sometimes, these interests may change and your ability to reach an agreement as your needs and preferences evolve is called being sexually compatible. Although research on sexual compatibility is extremely limited, it has been linked with greater sexual satisfaction. It stands to reason that the more compatible you are with your partner during sex, the greater your sexual satisfaction. If you and your partner are on the same page with your emotions and body in the bedroom, you are less likely to be displeased and more likely to be happier and satisfied.
Some experts also believe that sexual compatibility is about perception. According to their line of reason, perceived compatibility can also count as actual compatibility, more like the placebo effect. If there is that established belief that you and your partner are compatible even when you don’t like the same things, you will be mentally, emotionally, and sexually satisfied with the relationship.
Whether this theory holds true or not, the bottom line is, sexual compatibility can be subjective, but it all comes down to “shared or complementary interests and preferences”, which can be narrowed down into what we may call the sexual compatibility list that is outlined below :
If you and your partner have similar, exact, or complementary interests in the listed characteristics above, then you both may be considered sexually compatible. But how do you identify these basic characteristics that measure your compatibility radar?
In a bid to find answers to that nagging question of “are we sexually compatible or not? ” You probably might have been trying your luck with the sexual compatibility calculator or hoping your sexual compatibility zodiac sign will match. While astrology and mathematical figures may provide you with accurate answers, you have a better chance at gauging your compatibility by looking out for these signs :
3. The effort doesn’t go unnoticed. If your partner goes out of their way to keep the spark alive in the bedroom, you can consider them a keeper. Everyone knows it takes a great deal of effort to keep sex interesting over a long period of time. Say you have been married for many years, and your spouse is always at home with new and fun ways to make you happy between the sheets, your compatibility, in this case, shouldn’t be up for much debate. Even if the relationship is new, and they make sure to pay attention to your sexual needs or even ask upfront what you’d prefer, then you just might be on the road to compatibility.
5. They are willing to compromise. If your partner is always willing to accommodate your requests and suggestions in the bedroom, then that’s a good indication that you are compatible. It is an extreme gesture of sexual kindness to try a new sexual position or environment, one you may not naturally be inclined towards but do it all the same just because it pleases your partner. The ability to consider your needs is an act of compatibility in itself.
Have you ever caught yourself wondering what it feels to be sexually incompatible with your partner? Well, wonder no more. Here are some signs that may help you gauge your compatibility status:
So what happens when you discover that you are not sexually compatible with your partner? Do you just give up and quit the relationship or file for a divorce? You sure don’t want to find yourself saying something like “the wife says no spark” when asked the reason for your divorce. So how do you make it work if you find that you are not sexually compatible with your husband or partner? Well, here are some tips that may help save your sexually incompatible relationship :
Accept the incompatibility
Your first point of action is to accept that you are not compatible. Yes, sexual incompatibility can leave you questioning your marriage or relationship, and accepting that you are incompatible may sometimes be difficult. You may want to look for other areas of the relationship to put the blame on, but acceptance is the only easy way out. Again, communication plays a key role here. Talk to your partner and make them see how your sex life is affecting the relationship. You will likely argue back and forth about it and reach an understanding at the end of the day. Isn’t that the point of a healthy relationship? To disagree to agree?.
Be willing to work on it
once you’ve had the compatibility discussion, your next line of action should be finding a solution. You and your partner should be willing to put in the effort to resolve your compatibility issues. Make room for negotiation and compromise.
Switch things up
If you are the person with the least sexual drive, you should try stepping up your game. If you are always the receiver, try being the giver for a day and see how things unfold. It wouldn’t hurt to switch roles for a better and healthier sexual life.
Consider sex therapy
You can choose to enlist the help of a sex professional to help you sift through your compatibility issues. Sex therapy will show you how to navigate incompatibility and if successful, you and your partner can become compatible or nearly compatible.
It is okay to have sexual compatibility issues in your relationship. That you are not compatible at the moment, doesn’t mean all hope is lost. If there is still room for adjustment, an open honest conversation and negotiation can solve this. And if you’ve tried all possible means to ignite the spark in your sexual activities and it doesn’t work, it is fine to let go. There is no such thing as a perfect couple.
Based on what others are reading
Andrew Yaroshenko, Feb 16 2021