Sex Talk with your Partner: A How-to

Talking about sex is tough. But it doesn’t have to be! We live in a society where sexual conversations are seen as too “dirty” for everyday life and any conversation like that should be left completely behind closed doors. We deem topics of sex taboo, and taboo subjects are always more difficult to discuss, even with your partner. It can definitely be unnerving to discuss sex with your partner, especially when you feel you aren’t getting what you need in the bedroom. However, there are ways to make it less unnerving. Communicating effectively with your partner will open your sexual experiences and improve your sex life overall. Here are some great ways to speak openly and freely with your partner, and then have some bomb sex after!

1. Write it out first

Preparing what you want to say will help you make your mind clear and there will be no ambiguity regarding what you are saying. You will be able to have all of your points laid out clearly and effectively so there is no room for confusion. Writing out what you need in the bedroom can also be therapeutic and anxiety-reducing before the talk comes. 

2. Talk in a non-sexual setting

If there are problems in the bedroom, then you definitely don’t want to be having talks about sex and pleasure in that same bedroom. Talk in the kitchen, bathroom, laundry room - literally anywhere but the bedroom. Talking in a non-sexual setting will help ease tension for both partners and will frankly reduce the initial awkwardness. Being in a place where you feel like your needs aren’t getting met can also be triggering to the partner. 

3. Be honest

This is arguably the most important aspect of talking to your partner about sexual needs and desires. Be honest! If you’re not honest about what you really need in bed, then what’s the point? The cycle will continue and your needs will still not be met because your partner will be misled, which is not fair to them. First, be honest with yourself. What do you feel you need to communicate with your partner? Do you want them to touch you somewhere specific? Try a new position? More foreplay? Decide what your biggest areas of improvement are. Your partner will be grateful that you are honest and will be able to better fulfill your needs and desires once they now know what you need!

4. Come with an open mind

When we talk about uncomfortable issues, it can be common to come with more of a closed mind. I invite you to keep an open mind to what your partner is saying. Being close-minded and dismissive to a partner who is being honest about communicating their needs will only alienate them and make tensions worse. Coming to the table with an open mind will show your partner that you are willing to see things from their perspective. 

5. Set times to check-in with each other

Whether it is during sex or in a non-sexual setting (I recommend both), set times to check in with each other. Checking in with your partner and asking questions will show your partner that you care deeply about them, their feelings, and their satisfaction. Nothing is sexier than having someone show that they are trying to be deeply in tune with your satisfaction and desires!  

Communication is key to any relationship. What they don’t tell you is that communicating sometimes is hard. There is a reason why communication and sexual satisfaction are directly linked. Difficult conversations are necessary to truly and openly talk about what you want and need in the bedroom. Your partner will thank you for it - trust me!