A man walked into the Deja Vu Love Shop in Las Vegas and saw a gigantic 3-foot dildo he just had to have. So he slung the 50 pound schlong over his shoulder and walked out the door, without paying for it. TMZ broke the “hard news” story and posted video surveillance provided by the store showing the “dildo lifter” in progress.

The “Moby” as in dick, retails at the store for $1,250.00, and is a big conversation piece with customers. Suggested uses for the manly member include as “a hat stand”, “a prop”, or a table “centerpiece” to “impress your friends.” (“Pass me the salt, and that is one huge pecker on your table.”) One Moby customer says it would be good “as a weapon,” although we would never ever encourage violence, especially violence involving a gigantic, veiny silicone penis.

The massive monster may also be found on Amazon for $586.25. At the bottom of the megadildo’s product page are potential Moby customers asking questions about the product. “Does it fit into my ass?” asked one customer. (No, dude, it’s 3 feet tall and 2 feet wide.) Another customer asked “Is the woman included? (You wish), while a third wondered “Do you ship to Romania?” (Yes, Hello to all the big dick lovers in Romania!)

Owners of Deja Vu say the Moby is their “landmark” item. Who doesn’t like a gigantic Johnson? Plus, It’s the new cocktail party decor. I put a silicone vagina on my coffee table once and it was the hit of the party. People couldn’t stop touching it, rubbing it, and especially “twanging” it like a banjo. My “100% gay” friend revealed to us that he’s “never touched a vagina before”, as he awkwardly fumbled around with his fingers and asked “Where’s the clitoris?” I told him “Now you know what straight people go through.”

The store is offering a cash reward to anyone who knows who the Dildo Bandit is, but he  remains at large.

Written by Anka Radakovich

Anka Radakovich is a legendary Sex Columnist, Certified Sexologist, Sex Therapist, Sex Educator, Screenwriter, and Author of the book THE WILD GIRLS CLUB, PART 2, Tales from New York to Hollywood. THE WILD GIRLS CLUB, Part 2 is her third book. Her first two books, The Wild Girls Club; Tales from below the Belt, and Sexplorations; Journeys to the Erogenous Frontier were both published by Crown/Random House. She was the Sex Columnist for DETAILS Magazine for 9 years and currently writes columns for Brides.com and Los Angeles Magazine. Her writing has appeared in dozens of magazines including Marie Claire, Women’s Health, Men’s Health, Harper’s Bazaar, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Men's Journal, Seventeen, Glamour, and Maxim. She has appeared on numerous television shows including 8 appearances with Conan O’Brien. She was a Jeopardy question under the category “Men’s Mags.” As a Sex Educator and Sexologist, she is a college lecturer at Universities throughout the country who offers her unique brand of sex education. Follow her on Twitter @ankarad.

Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash