I am a Christian guy who wears a purity ring and I believe that a romantic relationship can exist without sex. I know many of you will be ready with the argument that it is nearly impossible in today’s world and sex is one of the most basic needs for human beings but hear me out first.
I am not against anyone who wants to engage in any kind of sexual activity, I respect everyone’s opinions and I believe that everyone has the right to live as they wish.
“Well, it seems to me that the best relationships - the ones that last - are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is... suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.”
― Gillian Anderson
I am currently in a relationship with an incredible girl who understands and respects my decision. I grew up in a very religious environment where my Mum and Dad told me stories about how they found love and how they are the only people who they been together intimately. Wearing a purity ring was entirely my decision because I believe that sex is something which is a connection of two souls, rather than mere bodies. I know this may sound cliche, but I am an old school guy.
“It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;—it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.”
― Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility
I believe that emotional intimacy is more important than the mere act of having sex. For me, Sex is about being vulnerable with someone, sharing a significant level of comfort with someone and loving someone for who they are. I am not saying that I don’t have fantasies, but I have chosen intimacy over intercourse.
“Come sleep with me: We won't make Love, Love will make us.”
― Julio Cortázar
I am in love with this amazing girl and we have decided to save ourselves for marriage. We love each other and developed a sense of understanding which is required for a mature relationship.
Intimacy Without Intercourse
Sometimes, a simple touch from her can make my exhaustion go away. We believe in hugs, kisses, and a stroke on cheeks, and running my hands through her hair is my favourite thing to do. We are very impromptu with each other, we start dancing in the middle of the living room for no reason, we plan adventures together. We go for bungee jumping, skydiving, river rafting and various water sports together. We are each other’s shoulders to cry on, the mood lifters, each other’s person to call when we have nightmares.
“Intimacy is the capacity to be rather weird with someone - and finding that that's ok with them.”
― Alain de Botton
Don’t fall into the peer-pressure
As a heterosexual male, I am often been under the situation where I felt peer-pressured to engage in sexual activity. We live in a society where a man’s masculinity is proved by his increased level of sexual drive or the people he has had sexual intercourse with. I know it can be frustrating sometimes to explain it to others but don’t let the pressure make you do something which you are not ready for. The only thing that should matter is your happiness.
I am in a good place in my relationship where we plan dinner dates and movie nights. I definitely have urges, but I cherish my current relationship of vulnerability, honesty, loyalty, caring, holding hands, hugs and intimacy with my girlfriend.
“there's nothing more intimate in life than simply being understood. And understanding someone else.”
― Brad Meltzer, The Inner Circle
There is more to a relationship than sex. Just keep talking with your partner. Make sure you both are happy in the relationship. Be open about what you feel about each other and if you are ready to take these important steps in the relationship. There are certain compromises which are expected in every relationship but never settle for something that does not make you happy.
“Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Sometimes silence between a couple can be a sign of comfort and closeness. Sometimes, however, it's a sign that you have nothing left to say. Don't let this happen to you. Keep talking to one another, not just about the everyday events, but about your thoughts and dreams and, of course, about how you're feeling during this period of intimacy without intercourse. The day you stop sharing is the day you know things have taken a turn for the worse.
My girlfriend is an incredible person who makes me happy and makes me want to be the best version of myself. Sex or no sex, try finding a person who you want to be with.