We talk about ‘being in a rut’ all the time. We drive the same way to work, we stop at the same cafe, order the same latte with almond milk, half sweet, watch the same TV programs. Being in a rut feels safe, comfortable even. Sure, life can get a little monotonous after a while, but you know, ‘first world problems’, right? Things could be worse.
I regularly fall in to ruts, comfortable cycles of doing the same, predictable things in the same boring ways, and masturbation is no exception to this trend in my life.
I recently found myself hurrying downstairs to grab my favourite vibrator as I had a few extra minutes before picking up my daughter. Without even bothering to undress, I just sat on the couch and stuck the toy down my pants, closing my eyes in concentration.
Now there is one benefit to being in a rut, at least one that you know yields consistent results. I know for sure, that this particular toy will do the trick quickly and efficiently, with minimal effort on my part. So score one point for the tried and true method.
BUT, since when was self-pleasure relegated to a quickie in the spare room? What happened to delicious, languorous self loving? I miss my long, sensual mornings on my own, where I take a bath, slather myself with oil in front of the fire, and really get intimate. What happened to self romance?
As a Sex Educator, I am no stranger to working with myself in this way. We even have a term for the practice, ‘Orgasmic Yoga’. But every yoga aficionado knows that the benefit in the practice is in doing the practice with mindfulness, and masturbation is no different.
As I contemplated the last few weeks, I had to admit I was definitely in a masturbation rut. So I decided to set about remedying the situation.
As in breaking any habit or routine, the first step is to get curious about what you are doing (or not doing). I noticed, for instance, that I have much less private time now that I have a live in partner and my kids are not in a predictable ‘school’ routine. I noticed that I was no longer prioritizing my own self practice, and that I was beginning to ‘expect’ my partner to fulfill all of my erotic needs and desires.
So, armed with these realizations, and some free time, I set about creating my own erotic ritual, to re-ignite my passion for masturbation.
I asked my family for some time alone in the master bedroom, kind of a ‘do not disturb me unless the sky is falling’ kind of thing. I gathered some candles, essential oils, bath salts, my favourite new toy and put some music on to get me in the mood. I sank into the warm water, and took some time just feeling my naked body. How quickly I dismiss the relationship with my body when I get busy!
It felt heavenly to reconnect. I didn’t even realize how much I missed myself.
I let me curiosity lead me in my exploration, and I took my time. These two things alone are guaranteed to help anyone blast out of a rut, and they worked for me too. I had a delicious time of reconnecting to myself in new and old ways. It felt rejuvenating to nourish the relationship with myself and to ‘pay attention’.
These two things, curiosity and slowing down, are often the keys to discovering a deeper experience of pleasure. Curiosity can allow feelings and emotions to rise without judgement, just a noticing. Slowing down can help us to work through any blocks that are keeping us from our felt sense. These two things are a simple and profound way to gently break out of a rut.
Book a consult with me, or send me an email question. I’m more than happy to spend some time with you to outline what’s possible if we work together and get some clarity about where you might want to explore.