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Bring the Boom to the Bedroom: 3 Simple Steps for Building Sexual Confidence

Wellcelium  |  Apr 02

Bring the Boom to the Bedroom: 3 Simple Steps for Building Sexual Confidence

The following post answers the question:

How to build sexual confidence?

Last week we talked about how confidence and shame cannot coexist, and the importance of practice in building erotic confidence. This week, we have three simple secrets to share with you on how to build sexual self-confidence.

Let’s dive in…

Secret #1: Sexual self-confidence is not about sex, it’s about power.

Not the kind of power you leverage over someone else, but the power that comes from self-acceptance and being comfortable with who you are. When you aren’t seeking outward validation to feel good about yourself, you can stop making decisions based on guessing what other people are thinking, feeling, or wanting.

When you are in your power, your journey to erotic confidence truly begins.

The media is full of ideas that can lead us to question ourselves and our desires. Studies have shown that the way we talk to ourselves has a real impact on our self-identity and what we believe is possible in our lives. What if you replaced some of the fears that run through your mind with empowering messages of self-love? This is just one way to challenge negative or unhelpful thoughts and fears that come up and return your personal power. Check out our Recommended Resources below for some positive affirmations to boost sexual confidence.

Secret #2: No one wins in a guessing game.

We are practicing clear sexual consent, folks, so why are we still expecting each other to be mind readers, ever?! Expecting your partner to guess what you want is setting both of you up for failure and disappointment. The only time we can all win is when we’re honest with ourselves and communicate that to one another to the best of our ability.

When you take away the guessing games, you can reallocate all that lost energy back into yourself. If you practice talking about what you want, ask your partner what they want, and practice clear consent, you’ll be way more likely to get the results you both want. Talking about sex builds sexual self-confidence, and it gives you insights you can work with!

Secret #3: Knowing you are sexy is an instant turn-on to your partner.

Erotic confidence is super hot! Knowing what you want and asking for it is sexy! And people who know their bodies better— and know what turns them on— report enjoying sex more. If you’re looking to learn how to be a blank slate for someone else’s desires, then you’re reading the wrong blog. We want to help you be comfortable with YOUR sexuality, not disappear to make room for someone else’s. We want to support YOU in building self-confidence sexually and how to love and express yourself more fully.

There’s nothing sexier than a vibe that says, “I’ve got it, you know you want it, and I’ll decide if you can have it.”

Questions to ask yourself

  • What have you witnessed, been told, or learned about sexual confidence from family, culture/religion, friends, or your past?
  • Which of these are narratives you still embody today?
  • Which narratives are you ready to let go of that are no longer serving you?
  • Are there any new narratives that you’d like to write for your erotically confident life?

Suggested practice

Spend more time naked. Take off those pandemic sweatpants! Take a luxurious shower or bath, and lather that sensuous body with lotions and oils until you feel like the Goddess you are. Take the time to air dry. Gaze lovingly at your body in the mirror, as you might gaze lovingly at a lover.

Send some gratitude to your feet for carrying you through this lifetime, for your hands for working hard, and for your strong, brave, beautiful heart in your chest. Repeat as often as possible and add in any other activities that make you feel beautiful.

Recommended resources

27 Positive Affirmations for Sexual Confidence

Check out this guide to love and sex for all genders and orientations, but specifically for people who are fed up with double standards and the stigma surrounding sexual beings:

F*cked: Being Sexually Explorative and Self-Confident in a World That’s Screwed by Krystyna Hutchinson and Corinne Fisher

Originally posted on wellcelium.org

Cover photo by Pexels


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