The studies are in and the numbers are not pretty.
Approximately 50% of marriages end in divorce, and of the ones that stay married, there is an equally horrifying fact that 15-20% of those are sexless. Many end up going the other way and looking for fun outside a phenomena known as adult swingers
If you are thinking you are good because you have sex 1-4 times a year with your mate, I am sorry to say that is considered sexless.
I talk to a lot of couples and sadly, there is often one partner who would love to have more sex, and explore new things and the other is happy to forgo sex and often gives in to sex a few times a year but does not really enjoy it. This mismatch has lead to many finding other similar interest people via becoming adult swingers
Now, there is so much that can be said about that, but if you are in the 80% who are having sex but it has become a wee be, humdrum, same there is great news for you.
The world of BDSM might just hold a key to unlocking some spice back into your bedroom. There are as many options as there are people when it comes to kink.
Getting your kink on can be as mild as introducing a blindfold and a feather, some light role play, and fun costumes or you can get pretty hardcore as well as the myriads of options in between.
Peruse a local sex shop for some new toys and make your sexy time one of exploration and adventure. Letting go of the goal of achieving an "outcome" aka orgasm or ejaculation.
Spicing things up in the bedroom first starts with honest communication and given how necessary communication and consent are for BDSM, the wide world of kink can show you the way.
To get started you want to gather up your courage and ask your partner if they are happy with the sex the two of you are having. Even if they say yes, keep talking. Ask if they are open to trying new things.
If they are not open and they are content with the sex but you are not, it is time for couple counseling. One person being disinterested is often a symptom of other issues and if you go along to get along, I promise you it never leads to anything good.
On the other hand, let's assume they are open, even if they are shy or not sure how to proceed that is okay. You can move slowly with them and just keep talking, calmly and with love to find out more.
Next, let's get the two of you to make a long list of all the things you have ever heard about as options for including in your sexy time.
Let go of needing to filter out what you would or would not do, that will come next.
The point of this is to open up a conversation with your partner. Make time to sit down, likely over several evenings, and talk about the items on each of your lists. Reconnecting with your partner as you explore new desires.
Do your best to stay open, you can say no to anything that does not turn you on. However, at this stage, it is critical to not make the other person wrong for being turned on by whatever they are turned on by. You are only going to explore the desires and fantasies that are yes for both of you.
If you are having trouble, enlist the help of a kink-friendly therapist or sex professional to mediate and guide you. They can make sure that you each have your say and that the discussion keeps moving. It can be very uncomfortable at first to talk openly about these things and having help is sometimes the best way to start. Reach out to Gaia Morrissette, Dana Pharant, or Mistress Cherry to get the support you need.
As you find things that are an 'oooo yes' for both of you, then you now have things you can explore in your next sexy time together.
This honest communication will not only make your sex life more enjoyable but after you have frank conversations about sex and your sexual desires you will find that all of your communication becomes easier and more honest.
Talking about money after you have talked about wanting to be spanked by a rubber chicken becomes easy.
This is the foundation for a strong marriage, one based on mutual respect, honesty, and of course healthy sexual connection.
You could also choose to join us in Costa Rica for a Kinky vacation to be supported in this journey of exploration in an unforgettable setting where the ocean meets the jungle, awakening your primal desires in a safe setting with 4 professionals to guide and help you.