It’s not often we get hit by a pandemic and become blessed and cursed with too much time on our hands. For a lot of people, the pandemic presented a major disruption to their sexual routine or even an abrupt halt to their current sexual relationships due to social distancing protocols implemented by public health. No matter what your relationship status, the pandemic could be the chance for you to experience your very own sexual revolution with the most important person in your sex life; you!
The reality is of the pandemic is that a majority of people’s sexual routines have been disrupted. Whether you live with a partner, dating, single and happy, monogamous, ethically non-monogamous, polyamorous, or in any situation, the odds are that your sexual routine has been altered somehow, which is why this is a good time to
The bottom line is that regardless of what situation we find ourselves in, it’s always important to revisit our sexual preferences to understand what we continue to like, explore what we’ve been curious about for a while, and find new things to be curious about. Just like our tastebuds, our sexual preferences evolve!
There are so many benefits to re-igniting your sexual relationship with yourself, but the top three reasons would be to spice up your self-satisfaction routine, discover new and exciting sexual preferences and experiences, and most importantly to feel more connected to yourself and confident in your sexuality.
I talked to three experts about some ways to re-kindle this relationship with ourselves and here’s what they had to say.
Masturbation and the consumption of pornography is all about connecting to ourselves, to the art, and its creators. Pornography has the power to let us tap into the deepest parts of ourselves.
I use porn for shadow work a majority of the time these days, as an entry point to understanding the deep parts of me that need some love and attention.Ayesha Hussain (she/her), Sexuality Author, Writer, Scientist & Coach
She reminds us to focus on masturbation as a “pleasure practice” and not a prescription. Variety is another route that she recommends for exploratory masturbation.
If one is always masturbating to porn, try masturbating without it. If one always masturbates with a toy, try doing so without it. And remember, there is no goal in sex. The point is not to orgasm, the point is to explore, enjoy the journey and have fun.Ayesha Hussain
On the topic of ethical consumption of pornography, she believes that consumption of porn equates to the consumption of connection, and individuals should ask themselves why they want to watch it, what they like about that connection and how that connects us to our very own desires.
That helps put people in the conscious mindset around consumption. I call this sextainability, ethical consumption of connection & sex. It's the last frontier of sustainability.Ayesha Hussain
She also encourages people to support their favorite talent financially even if they don’t want to pay for a porn subscription. She encourages us to challenge our way of thinking around paying for pornography by asking ourselves “why not?”.
Anna Lee comes from a conservative Korean family. So what did she decide to do with her life? She co-founded an absolute game-changer in the Sexual Wellness industry, Lioness. One of the reasons she’s so passionate about this industry is because she believes in the “power of masturbation” and the alarming absence of research and data on female pleasure.
The power of masturbation is you unlock another part of yourself that makes you feel a bit more whole as a person, feeling just really confident. I felt so powerful the first time I was with a partner, and I could be very clear about what I liked, and I didn't like and like, setting boundaries and saying, talking about what I wanted.Anna Lee (she/her), Co-founder of Lioness & Head of Engineering, www.lioness.io
Being an expert in sex-tech comes with a lot of know-how, and Anna shares some of her top tips for finding a sex toy if you’ve never done it before, or had bad experiences.
My number one rule is to use body-safe materials. Anytime they look like clear jelly kind of material, don't use those. Try to make sure they're always silicone or non-porous materials like glass or stainless steel. It doesn't matter when you get but make sure it's body-safe and non-porous.Anna Lee
If you only like clitoral stimulation, and you don't want anything vaginally inserted or anally inserted, then like, I wouldn't recommend a rabbit-style or anything like that.Anna Lee
Lastly, Anna shares what separates Lioness products from everything else on the market. The limited research in sexual wellness for women and people with vaginas prompted Lioness to approach pleasure in a way that empowers the users of their products through data. Lioness products track data, the same way we can track our sleep and exercise, and provides a powerful form of documenting our pleasure.
We want to give people the ability to track their pleasure and arousal and orgasms. The idea is that our vibrator has biofeedback sensors, and we're using force sensors because how your pelvic floor muscles squeeze and relax involuntarily is one of the best indicators for arousal and orgasm. You can actually see on your graph where you're feeling aroused, and in the orgasm, you're seeing a very rhythmic pattern that looks unique. We want to give people that actual data to have. It pairs your phone, and you're able to see that data. And you can see how it's changing over time, what's making it better, what's making it worse. We always tell people you kind of become your own self-experimenter.Anna Lee
Sydney Rae Chin, a Survivor Coaching Consultant, loves the idea of documenting our personal sexual journeys and evolution. She highly recommends a boudoir-style self-portrait as a fun and sexy way to document our journey.
To me, it’s intimate photography, but also see it as a trauma-informed tool. It can be a trauma-informed tool, is boudoir always a trauma-informed tool because it can also come from the cis-het male gaze.Sydney Rae Chin (she/her), Survivor Coaching Consultant, www.sydneyraechin.com
Sydney recommends using the 10-second timer with candles, lingerie, or basically anything that brings us joy and happiness. She recommends this tool because it can help individuals become more comfortable with their bodies over time. Pairing this with a form of reflection, whether it be journaling or listening to our bodies after to use our comfort and confidence as a marker for progress. She reminds me that healing is never linear.
On the frequency of these photo-shoots, Sydney shares her spiritual perspective on it.
I'm really into the new moon and full moon, so first I take a ritual bath and I set an intention, then I end up taking photos while in the bath…I would say monthly, every new or full moon, after a retrograde especially.Sydney Rae Chin
Cover photo by Pexels